Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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