eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
