and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
