ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
