So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
