Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
