His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
