He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
