i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
