her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
