At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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