so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
