Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
