Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my poor anus
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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