Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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