I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
