Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
