shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
