he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
