First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
