GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
