hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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