Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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