I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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