i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
