am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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