I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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