Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
