You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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