i think i have herpe
just one?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
