there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
