he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
