Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
