btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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