Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
