I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
