so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
