I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We smell like vodka and hangover
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