So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
