I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
