I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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