My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
