i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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