i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
