She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We have started to decorate penises.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
