I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
