Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
NoShamevember. You game?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
