the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
