he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
