Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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